I have no idea if there’s any one out there reading this, and right now it doesn’t really matter.
I stepped away from this blog and website about 6 months ago, because in all honesty, it was just not working for me, and it put me in a hole.
I Felt Like A Fraud
I was trying to teach the essence of all the business and personal development and wealth creation stuff I’d learned but I still couldn’t get it to work for me in a way that felt authentic and real.
I am a perpetual student and I love learning. I have been educating my self around online business, wealth creation, personal development and spirituality for about a decade. And I’ve always had a creative streak that expresses its self in one form or another.
So in the process of trying to create a business and financial freedom over many years, I’ve listened to a tonne of experts, with strategies and systems that ALL made complete sense to me. I could understand them, and I have the drive to implement them and I did.
Property strategies, stock market day trading, and long trading, online marketing, eBay, consulting, coaching, blogging… I’ve tried them all. I’ve looked at phone sales, webinars, Facebook ads, affiliate marketing, network marketing, social media marketing…
I’ve followed every step in the systems and programs, I’ve implemented and taken action and made things work.
And Then I’ve Stopped.
I’ve lost interest. I’ve felt completely suffocated at the prospect of building my “career” or “business” in eBay, or stock marketing trading, or weekly webinars.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these strategies. They work.
If one person can get them to work, they work.
And I can get them to work for me.
The message I’ve constantly received from mentors and coaches (that I’ve been paying a tonne of money to) is that I must be doing something wrong, I’m scared of success, there’s something blocking me, it’s resistance, there’s something wrong with me and I have to fix my self.
The Thing Is…
I’m definitely not scared of success as I’ve created it before. I realise there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not “broken.” I do not need fixing.
Is there resistance? A block?
To doing things in one particular way that is not working for me?
That’s my inner compass telling me there’s something not working for me – not self-sabotage stopping me from success
That’s ME trying to tell ME the path that I’m here to follow.
That’s a good thing, something to be acknowledged and understood, rather than pushed down, suppressed and ignored.
The key is NOT to try to follow the coaches and mentors and experts and gurus whose model of success and the world woks for THEM.
But instead to tap into my inner world and listen to the truth as it is for ME.
My Next Coach Is ME
The best coach is ME.
Part of the journey so far has been to get to a point where I can actually distinguish the true inner ME from the noise and the distraction of the external world.
I don’t yet have this perfected, but I’m do much better at hearing and listening and trusting my self than I have been before.
And finally able to hear my true self, I can now be my own best coach.
And finally get to discover who I really am.
Not who I should be or think I should want to be.
It’s a relief…
So Who Am I? The Epiphany
What has brought me out of the hole I was in?
The understanding at a deeper level that I am not any of my mentors or coaches.
That there is not one way of doing things.
And that if what feels good for me is different to what every one else is doing, that does not make it wrong.
This is probable the biggest awakening. That I can create something very different and unique to every one else, that actually feels good for me.
I’ve been unable to do this in the past because I haven’t been able to fully connect to ME, and trust it.
That’s the inner work I’ve had to do to get my self and a “business” back on the right path.
Not on another marketing strategy, or another social media platform, or creating another product, or refining my niche.
All of that stuff plays a part, but when you’re taking action for the sake of action, you’re just throwing shit out there to see what sticks.
For me, the focus on slowing down, doing inward and listening to my self, has yielded far greater results.
So What Am I Doing?
Letting go of the need to pick one thing for a “business,” and instead identify the projects I want to develop in 2019 has freed me up so much and re-ignited my creative inspiration that had previously fizzled out. As of right now, these are my current passions for 2019, as long as they work for me and subject to change if and when I so choose…
- Teaching Architecture + Design – Part of me still has a love of architecture and design, even though I no longer have a desire to practice (right now). Teaching 2-4 days a week during semester fills so many needs – to teach, to have time off for travel and other interests, to be in a creative environment, some financial security and to feel in control of my working choices. I’ve let go of the pressure to do a 4 year PHD and become a career academic, and stay sessional instead at 3 different universities.
- eBay – I used to sell pre-loved fashion on eBay 5 or 6 years ago but the pressure of this as my “full-time business” made the process boring. In September, I had a desire to clear out my closets, list on eBay, and then start hitting the op shops. My passion for saving beautiful fabrics and design from landfill has reignited. It’s another income stream that’s growing without pressure.
- The Daily– This has been a stop start project for 2 years. I’ve shifted it out of being a marketing strategy to my own personal daily expression of creativity, lessons, inspiration and objective truth. It’s started as writing but who knows where it may go.
- Blogging – Years ago I’d write blogs about my own journey, and they received comments from people who could relate. Then the coaches and gurus told me I needed to follow particular formats, and write articles of expertise, and use my blogs as a marketing strategy. They became “cookie-cutter” and lost me, and even I got bored writing them. I need to write and blog, it feels so freeing doing this right now. But there’ll be a lot more of me, writing without agenda or edits, and letting what needs to be said, be said.
- Programs – I want to create programs, and bring logic and order to so much of what I have learned. I’ve have already created a tonne of content over the last few years, that is still not fully aligned or ready to be birthed. There’s 1 or 2 things starting to bubble away right now. But this will evolve in its own time.
- Etsy – I have a sense that my own creative expression will start to re-emerge and ideas are bubbling, but there’s no pressure. I’ll let it arise in it’s own time.
This may seem a lot, and I know my previous coaches and gurus would tell me it’s too scattered, and I have to pick one.
But I can’t. I’m not wired like that, and writing this list excites me with ideas and variety and possibility, while the idea of just doing one falls so flat.
That’s what listening to ME looks like.
What Does This Mean For You?
As a reader of this individual blog or a follower of all my work, what does this mean.
It means you’ll get more of me and my personal journeys and a lessons – but always in a way with the intent and a message of helping you figure out what is right for you.
It means you’ll get diversity in the themes of this blog, which currently are…
Business, Productivity, Creativity, Personal Growth Spirituality and Life.
Which is pretty broad, but the ongoing theme is to help you make sense of this world we live in and figure out what works for you.
This has been my own greatest personal challenge and passion to date and the biggest thing I continue to learn and master through the themes of my own life and work.
2019 Has Begun
I have a direction and some clarity, but I now choose to live life on a day to day basis, following it where it takes me.
As you move into 2019, what’s going to work best for you right now?